never play flip cup with pint glasses
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
