so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
