new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
