trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
