i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
