Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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