a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
