Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
