I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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