cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The ass gains better be worth it
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