Got a toothbrush?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
