I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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