apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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