my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
