since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
