It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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