is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
