I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
