I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
