shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Im part way to drunk.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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