Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
