is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
