Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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