you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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