A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
