he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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