i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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