I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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