He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
