if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
