yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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