Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
