I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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