real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
