ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
