you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My dick has a subreddit
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
