I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
