yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
