My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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