I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
