Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
