do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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