I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
