So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Still dying that you shit outside
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
