yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
