So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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