To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
