You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
