Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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