So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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